he's the reason .

what do i say - when everything's just going wrong ? i can decieve you with this smile, just acting like i'm strong . .

is it time to let go , am i actually losing hope . to be honest, i don't even know . it's more than just an emotional rollercoaster, this is real. it's hard trying to read someone when all you get from them is nothing, not a word. it seems like giving up is the best thing to do right now . it may not be the easiest thing, but it's for my own good, right? maybe it's because i expected so much from someone that's just "down for his boys." never had i got a late night phone call , cute text message or "romantic-corny-movie-moment." it's not like i need those , but lately that's what i've been expecting, better yet wanting.. . you want a serious relationship , but i just can't see that . i know i overreact, but i'm a GIRL & that's what we do - like it or not . Sorry! i've been treated better and i thought it'd be the same this time, but i feel so unappreciated , unwanted. .. this isn't normal , i never wanted this , but i can't just leave . no matter how hard i try, either way i won't be happy but i'm looking out for ME and my heart . i may be totally wrong , but my feelings overtake the the part of me that wants to not believe any of this .

i know , i know ! " we're not together , so why should i care !" it's not like i haven't been through this before. it's just i'm having high expectations, trying to avoid or let in anyone that just wants to fool around . i don't want my heart to be that toy you want for christmas then slowly get tired of , but if that's all you want , then find someone else because you surely got the wrong girl .

fighting against myself , constantly questioning whether i really mean/meant something to you at all . i can't take it anymore .. somedays you're fine & i couldn't be anymore happier , but days like these - really got me doubting. I stay up all night just to see if you'll come on , because who knows .. all these hours , fighting my sleeep and all i get is a "Hey :) What's up? Gotta go ." conversation . HONESTLY, what's the point of even starting to talk .. i've been holding up fine without talking to you . sure at time's it's nice. But what's the point of practically staying up 'til dawn to get late replies.. . i've clearly prioritized you much too early , i was wrong . My mistake, it won't happen again. it just hurts soo bad to put someone first & get nothing in return . I should have known better, my lesson's have been learned . But you make it seem so easy , i fell much too quick .

So my conclusion is I'll no longer prioritize you ( yet! ) , nor will I stay up waiting for a pointless conversation that just keeps me in doubt. I'll let time pass and if "we" happen, then great ! but if not , no big , just glad it happened . . I won't get to caught up on a guy that's not in-like with me too , it's as simple as that , the end!