you're the song i play on repeat .

so as i write this blog, with my macbook on my lap - one by one the tears start to fall .. . \
it's been lord knows how long since the last time i've cried, and moreover - since i've written a blog , but this is the only place i can vent out to. .. so today it played , the song i've been avoiding for sometime now; our song. technically it wasn't OUR song , it was just the song that reminded me of you . as the song played ,verse through verse , i remember laying in my hallways talking to you on msn about how we liked eachother so much , THAT song in the background replaying every minute . i remember how nothing ever went wrong , we'd talk until 3 in the morning about nothing & i'd fall asleeep with my laptop beside me :$ but today the feeelings reversed .. i started crying while it played because i knew that we could never be how we were back in grade eight . you've changed and moved on , no matter how hard thaat is to get through , i know it's not me anymore . this summer was goood , we hung out almost every weeek . and honestly , i loved it. one afternoon i went to your house , we did nothing but watch csi all daaay , no surprise. while we were on your laptop , you'd randomly hug me, i'd never tell you this - but those meant the world to me .. . we'd talk on the phone, and text eachother all day . . . shit , i miss you ! i told you since the beginning that'd you always have my heart . clearly , you do . . . this summer you broke my heart , you left me once again. that night you told me you just wanted to be friends , you killed me . i honestly cried every night for the rest of the month . . .. i wrote to you , though you never replied . a month went by and i finally had the courage to confront you & all you could say was , " i understand " , are you kidding me ? so tonight , i told you i missed you . . foolish of me , i thought i was over you . but here we go again , it's time to forget you . . .
- - - - - - --- - - - - - - -
& i've realized that no matter how many times you hurt me ,
no matter how many nights i've cried,
no matter how much i say "i hate him , i'm over him,"
no matter how many days we never talk -
i'll still love you like i did back in grade seven.

officially out of my life for the millionth time once again .
i'm honestly sick of falling for you because you always treated me wrong . ..
it's like you get sick of me , i did everything for you .
i remember that one day when i was at joyce . .
it was raining and you were at metrotown ; i told you to "come here ."
you told ME to go THERE because you didn't want to .
i remember getting off the couch , just about to leave .. .
but something in my mind held me back from going out that door ; it was my common sense.

on that day , i've realized i've always came to you - i followed every order you had given .
just like when i was at guildford , i was going to back to your place just to
give you busfare , you could come .. . what was i thinking?

you told me all this bs , that i mistaken for love .
i thought i was "the girl," i turned out to be "THAT" girl .
that girl you know you can get , & each time you have her -
you know you can always get her over & over again .
since grade seven, i was always THAT GIRL .
the one that all your friends hated 'cause the false stories they had heard .
the girl that you ran to when you & your girlfriend were fighting .
the rebound chick that you've played more than four times ,
i'm THAT GIRL that finally saw the real you.

five times is enough .. .

this happens every year, i think you've changes & i fall way too fast. and everytime this happens , i ask you "why me?" & you say " you're different from the rest , it's easier to like you , you're not just any girl " & stuff like that . . if i'm clearly not just ANY girl , 'cause you treat OTHER girls better than me . in the beginning you're all good , but NOW - we're done ! or atleast .. . you are . i cry over stupid thing you do, like how you walk away from me , how you can nevertell me straight up & the ways you lose feelings without notice . i asked you so many times , but do you not want me to let go? 'cause honestly , i think i've FINALLY learned my lesson .. . after four years , i've finally realized that I was the one who fell hard . & the sad thing is , i put you above everyone else .. . hahaha , my bad! honestly , i'm so confused . you never callme anymore , never text me , message me - TALK TO ME . none of that is happening , & i'm pretty sure i know why . clearly , you've foundsomebody else . but why keep me around? i know i canjust move on , & never talk to you again . but i need closure , & you never give me any of it what so ever . .. so basically, i'm stuck in like with you . .. . & i hate it !

fades away . .

my heart is beating fast , my hands won't stop shaking. .
I thought that we would last, I thought that we would make it .
I guess I was wrong all along. ..
We were inseparable but apart we've grown .
So, Can you tell me what to do when all the feelings is gone?
When you look around your all alone cause all the right went wrong?
The situations ugly, I miss the way you touch me . . .
Do u even want me anymore?
Let me know.
'cause I'm tryna to figure us out, I don't wanna break up . .
What's the use when there's nothing left ?
Was this ever true? Did I ever love you?
Oh did you ever care for me? 'cause if so then where'd it go?
Are we giving up I need to know, or are we holding on ?
Can you tell me what to do when all the feelings is gone. .
When you look around your all alone cause all the right went wrong,
Tell me how you look into my face and say, " baby, I can't stay . ."
What do you do when the love just fades away?

officially done.

i'mm officially done, offcially done with boys .
what's the point , honestly? when i try so hard
to get nothing in return. so here's the truth ,
you meant everything to me sad enough to say .
i'm done with second guessing my better judgement.
i'm done & that's the end of it.
kbye . . .


why does this keep happening to me with someone so right . .

ready to let go ?

i'm not the one for you , thanks for showing me . i was kinda oblivious to the whole situation , i convinced myself so many times that we were right & we were on the same page. but you were in a whole different book , i wanted closure & you happily gave it to me . thanks for keeping me around for so long

♥ !

i honestly don't know what it is, but i've been pretty happy these past two days . things have finally been coming up :) last day of summer today, & frankly, i don't mind ! i have everything i ever wanted/needed , i'm actually content with my life ! HAHA WOW . i'll miss staying up hella late, still not used to sleeping early :( i'm pretty sure i'll be late for the THIRD day of school 'caause i'll be too excited for school for the first two days , lols ! LAME-O . but yeah , i made a pretty binder cover for my socials binder , thanks to oliver ! ( L )
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you make my days go better and the way that the sun is shining through, boy it's all because of you .