you're the song i play on repeat .

so as i write this blog, with my macbook on my lap - one by one the tears start to fall .. . \
it's been lord knows how long since the last time i've cried, and moreover - since i've written a blog , but this is the only place i can vent out to. .. so today it played , the song i've been avoiding for sometime now; our song. technically it wasn't OUR song , it was just the song that reminded me of you . as the song played ,verse through verse , i remember laying in my hallways talking to you on msn about how we liked eachother so much , THAT song in the background replaying every minute . i remember how nothing ever went wrong , we'd talk until 3 in the morning about nothing & i'd fall asleeep with my laptop beside me :$ but today the feeelings reversed .. i started crying while it played because i knew that we could never be how we were back in grade eight . you've changed and moved on , no matter how hard thaat is to get through , i know it's not me anymore . this summer was goood , we hung out almost every weeek . and honestly , i loved it. one afternoon i went to your house , we did nothing but watch csi all daaay , no surprise. while we were on your laptop , you'd randomly hug me, i'd never tell you this - but those meant the world to me .. . we'd talk on the phone, and text eachother all day . . . shit , i miss you ! i told you since the beginning that'd you always have my heart . clearly , you do . . . this summer you broke my heart , you left me once again. that night you told me you just wanted to be friends , you killed me . i honestly cried every night for the rest of the month . . .. i wrote to you , though you never replied . a month went by and i finally had the courage to confront you & all you could say was , " i understand " , are you kidding me ? so tonight , i told you i missed you . . foolish of me , i thought i was over you . but here we go again , it's time to forget you . . .
- - - - - - --- - - - - - - -
& i've realized that no matter how many times you hurt me ,
no matter how many nights i've cried,
no matter how much i say "i hate him , i'm over him,"
no matter how many days we never talk -
i'll still love you like i did back in grade seven.