" is it? "

Now of days , i'm feeling so beat down & stupid. Stupid because the fact that keeping falling over & over again . I thought my lessons was learned each time i kept coming back , but every single time i convinced myself that it's just a misunderstanding, but clearly it's not. You're the kind of guy that's down for his boys , just like i am for my girls . But atleast I knew when it was time to put you first . .. i'm always put second to them , i'm second to everything now of days . you make plans , & i'm excited because in my head - maybe just maybe , i thought you were changing .. but no, you've proved me wrong once more . You never called like you said you would, never talked to me when you said you would , never kept the promises like you said you would , never showed up like you said you would . CLEARLY i shouldn't rely on your word . .. I'm in this phase where i honestly don't know if i should stay . i promised i wouldn't lose feelings, but you make it easy to let go & even harder to stay . you say you'll chill with me, but is that really what you're looking for? i tell you i miss you , man i say a lot & all i get is a you too . . i'm sick of just being just one of the girls . what's the point if all we do is fight? i don't wanna be the girl that's gonna wait around for you to figure out that she wsa there all along , i'm not willing to play that role again. maybe i've lost feelings , or maybe i'm over reacting . but all i know is that this isn't right . i'm alone in a situation where there's no one to talk to , not even you . i'd love to talk this over with you , but i know it's just be a joke . so as of now , i don't know where we stand . .